His Visits

they spin my head and flip my insides over and release the streams of unwelcome light into my life. it's not the kind of light that leads me to the right, it gets me into fights with me and he claims the victory. so many years passed and back to that upward reaching kid. back to long phone calls between strangers (slash) twisted relatives. i said i loved him too. he said he loves me like i should believe him and i said i loved him too because i did. at least at some point in my life i think i did. but now they're just words to me. everything he might have said, anything i might have said were just words. but what i know to be true has never come from him directly, no. nothing ever comes from him directly unless if (and only if) it is coated with manipulation and ulterior motives or a fist.